Okay, not in the literal real sense, sheesh.  Put down your referral to BadJocks.com.

But now that I have your reading- I know a guy this really happened to.  He went to bed with a woman he thought was his wife, and wakes up the next morning to someone totally different. (and by know, I read about him in a book, so that makes us pals, right?)

Here’s how the story goes.

There was a guy name Jacob, and he sees this woman name Rachel, and he falls in love with her.

He is so enamored that he works 7 years for Rachel’s father in order to marry his daughter.  Such a great love story so far, next Nicholas Sparks book maybe?

Well, not so fast.  After the 7 years are completed, Jacob goes to his father-in-law and essentially says, “I’ve done my time, let me sleep with your daughter.”  (real attractive)  But here we see that Jacob was overcome- overcome with lust, overcome with a huge void in his life that he wanted filled.

Jacob came from a somewhat dysfunctional family, and like all of us, he had brokenness, and he had a plan to remedy his soul’s ailments- an “Apocalyptic Hookup”, as it were.  He’d marry the girl of his dreams and life would be rosy, and the emptiness would be satisfied.

But then Rachel’s father plays a dirty trick.  On the wedding night, he sends his older daughter Leah in to consumate the marriage with Jacob, not Rachel.

Hold up now, dude didn’t know he was with another woman?  Okay, pre-electricity, lots of drinking involved, and a heavily veiled bride- that makes it a little more understandable.

So he goes to bed thinking it was the wife of his dreams- Rachel.  Then he wakes up the next morning to the realization it was her uglier older sister- Leah.

And this is where you and I come into the story.

What is it in your life that you think will fill your soul and make right what is broken?

Another relationship?

A new career?

A raise in salary?

A different geographic location?

A different house?

The latest video game?  (ok, me when I was 9)

You see, all of us have this huge vacuum of affection and love we are trying to fit stuff into.  And everything we try to fill it with- we always go to bed thinking we are with Rachel, but then after a few months the job becomes less challenging, the relationship becomes more mundane, the new city has some of the same problems, and we realize we’ve been had- its Leah not Rachel!

To paraphrase Clive Staples Lewis, Hunger doesn’t prove that you will get fed, but it must prove that something such as food does actually exist.

The same is true for your soul.  The fact that you long for what cannot ultimately be satisfied means there must be something (or SomeOne) out there that can entirely fulfill these desires.

Drink your fill of Him, and don’t put so much pressure on the relationships, career choices, and dreams to do what they are not capable of doing- completing your soul.

Spring of the heart and soul
Numb sensation- with blind belief
As sure as the flowers return- so it does
“do not worry, it will
happen, it’s been planned. Nothing
here is happenstance.”

With each cold breath- I hope
The grey clouds- will they give way to blue skies?
The coverage of dead foliage- o make way to burst with green!
In nature- simply routine
In the soul- gripping complexities

Awake slumbering senses- prepare the tools!
O return Great Gardener- remove the weeds
Brace for the good- prune what is dead

Embrace. Blossom. Hope. Love. Spring forth. Shout. Joy. Fire. Come.
My soul’s passion. This heart’s desire.
SDG

So I probably couldn’t have gotten away with admitting that in the football locker rooms at UVA or Green Bay.  But hey, I don’t have to worry about trash talk from players- just that my sister likes to let everyone know this fact every chance she gets as well as some awkward laughs from a few friends after they find out when the topic of books comes up- usually of the female variety, interestingly enough.

I enjoy reading a variety of books & authors, and I like the way Sparks writes.  He gets pain & passion & people- and what makes them tick.  So there, I said it.  Judge me now.

I’ll come back to Nicolas Sparks, and his book A Walk to Remember in a minute.

I went through a phase in college where I mocked most everything that fit under the Evangelical Christian Umbrella (actually, it had a little more bite to it- scorn maybe?  #NeedALargerVocabulary)

And of course that included Christian Pop Music.

And of course that included Jeremy Camp, who had nearly 17 number 1 hits while I was in college.

Well, thankfully for me (and you) that was just a phase.  But even when I came out of that phase, I still didn’t like Jeremy Camp.  It had little to do with his music, it was other things.

Then, one day at the end of January, one of his songs came up on my David Crowder Pandora Station.  I had been in the habit of skipping his songs previously.  For some reason, I left the song, and went over and read his bio.

Whoa.  This guy- he had been through more liFe, and earlier than most people ever do.  I immediately felt guilty about disdaining him.  I created a Jeremy Camp Pandora station in his honor to appease my conscience (it worked some).  And now I am blogging about him further atone for my actions.

So what is his story?

Basically, he meets a girl while leading worship in his early twenties and falls in love with her- and her passion for Jesus.  Her name is Melissa.

But after a few months of dating, she wasn’t feeling the love, and broke it off.  He was crushed.

Some time goes by and Jeremy gets a call from Melissa out of the blue- she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  He goes and sees her, and the joy of Christ radiates from her while she lies in the bed during her hospital stay.  True beauty- she still captivates him.

She then goes on to tell him that the reason they couldn’t be together was because she needed time with just her and Jesus to prepare her for the trial.

A couple weeks later, she lets him know she does love him, her cancer goes into remission, and they are married within 5 months.

Happily Ever After now is all that’s left, right?

That doesn’t happen in real life.  Here is where the Walk to Remember reference comes in.

On the honeymoon, the unthinkable happens- her cancer has returned, with a vengeance this time. They return home and the doctor lets them know it has spread through her whole body, and she has a limited time to live.

4 months after the marriage, she dies.  She was 21.  He is 23.  And a widower.  Who imagines being a widower at age 23?

Some of his best songs came in the next season of his life, and his music is no longer the latest fad of well marketed deep-sounding pop with a “C” Label on it, but for me- its rest, its solace, its real, as it flows from the deepest pain into a beautiful mosaic.

Also, he knowingly and joyfully married a woman that he knew could be dying.  How can that not move you?

It does me.  And now I sing along with him on the regular.  #CampOnThat

I’ll tell you about it, and my day today.

An NFL tryout is like the Great Great Great GrandDaddy (or mother) of all job interviews. Your whole career can literally hinge on how you perform in a two hour time slot.

Millions of dollars are gained or lost based on fractions of a second.

Dreams are decided by inches.

Futures are determined by a few caught or dropped balls.

What you ate the night before, how you slept the week leading up to it, a simple cold, and how much water you did or did not drink could all play a significant roll in how your “job interview” goes.

Talk about pressure!

Here was how my day started:
7:00 AM
Woke up
Had a protein bar
Hydrated
Took my vitamins
7:30 AM
went to the Mccue Center (the football facilities)
Changed in to workout clothing
Warmed up
8:00 AM
Entered the weight room with the other players trying out.

It was here I realized I forgot to brush my teeth. Actually, in college, I never did brush my teeth before noon games or early morning workouts (I’m sure you wanted to know that)

I’ll come back to my day in a second.

Here’s how the pro day works

It has 5 components

The first resembles a cattle show. All the players come in front of the scouts wearing spandex and without shirts on, and get their height, weight, arm span, hand breadth, etc measured. (TMI, sorry. But trying to get the cattle show imagery)

The second component is the indoor tests- broad jump, vertical jump, and 225 pound bench press for reps.

Then the players go outside and do the running tests- 40 yard dash, pro agility shuttle, and L drill. (this is where your day is made or broken)

The fourth piece is individual position workouts for the scouts. (this is what you really need to be in shape for)

And the last part to the puzzle is the personality and problem solving written exam.

So back to my day.

By the time I entered the weight room, I had already had ten people ask me- many of them quite seriously- if I was trying out again. Instead of leaving those short conversations to the ones that asked me in person- I thought about letting all my pals on the interwebs join in.

So I Went into the weight room

I did a circuit of box jumps, push ups, pull ups, step ups, dumbbell rows, and reverse hypers- that took about 20 minutes.

Then I left all my friends and NFL folks and went for a mile and a half barefoot run around the athletics facilities (yes, I run barefoot. On concrete. #BornToRun)

When I came back into the locker room- that’s when I decided to have a little fun with this.

I made my previous ambiguous blog post, and was showered up and ready to make it to a ten thirty appointment downtown. And the back to Roanoke to meet with a potential charity for my upcoming Biggest Loser Roanoke contest.

In all seriousness- and some of you know this- I have entertained trying out one more time. However, because I took twenty months off, I am at least 8-10 months out from being in tryout condition. So maybe 2013, we will see!

In my defense- my previous post never did say I was actually trying out today…

And if God doesn’t have a good sense of humor since it isn’t (yet) April Fools Day, I may spend a few extra years in purgatory for all the well wishing and prayers He fielded on my behalf today.

You can find the players that actually did try out today here

It is true. The NFL pro tryout is today for UVA players and alumni.

It is true. 31 NFL Teams are here- and I know and have spoken with scouts.

It is true. I have been working out since last May on a regular basis.

It is true- I have set personal records in vertical jump since the first of the year.

Am I making another run at it? Is that true?

I’ll keep you posted on how my day goes…

The second was for much better reasons- MTV cribs and desires to be rich.  (judge me, go ahead.  I mean, I judge me back then)

Well, an interesting thing happened to me almost 2 years ago.  I was sitting in my cubicle (I made it 16 months in one of those, then cried FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOMMMM).

Anyways, I was sitting there in the first cube they put me in, and I was in training, and I came across this article on the front of some website about micro homes and I was fascinated.  Just fascinated.  These were a far cry from my 6,000 + square foot, complete wrap around porch, 2 and 3 story miniature fortresses I planned in high school.  These were complete homes in about 500 square feet- with really cool designs.

I have tons of legitimate reasons- other than an intriguing diversion from work- that I like this idea.  Spiritual, economic, political, practical-  maybe one day I’ll post.  Actually, I will, stay tuned.

So while I’m not in the market for purchasing one (yet), I do think it would be a cool experience- at least for a season -or at least as a weekend/getaway spot somewhere in the mountains.

One day I may be looking for a roommate in one of these.  If you are interested, I’m all ears.

It’s kind of like a father with a son- I’ll name the boy Jonny, and you’ll be the father.

When Jonny is 8 years old, he comes to you one evening at 6 PM and asks, “Hey dad, can I go play with Jimmy down the road?”

You assess the situation, knowing that it’s almost supper time, and give him an answer, “Sure you can, but dinner is in 30 minutes, so don’t go far, and be back by 6:30.”

That’s a normal scenario in a normal neighborhood all around America.

Fast forward 10 years.

It’s 6 PM, and Jonny is a freshman (or 1^st year. Sheesh. Yuppies) and calls you and says, “Hey dad, some of my friends are going to play ultimate Frisbee in the quad.  Can I go with them?”

Your response should be treacherously comical even if you only have an ounce of wit about you.

You see, it’s normal for a little boy to ask his father to help him make a decision about going away from home and spending time with a friend- and to even trust his father to make the choice for him.

It’s not normal for a young adult to do the same thing.  When Jonny is 18, he knows his course load, he knows his work schedule- if he wants to go play for a while, that is his decision to make.

So when you have turned over all the stones, make a move.

It isn’t so much whether you make the “right” decision.  I think most of the choices we are given in a particular circumstance would turn out okay- there isn’t a “right” or “wrong.”  But what is more important than which direction you go or where you end up is what is happening inside of you in the process- Who you are trusting and how you are growing.

As you make more and more decisions, you should reflect back on poor decisions you have made in the past- and that makes you more humble to pray and seek counsel from others.

As you make more and more decisions, you should reflect back and see the sovereign hand of God directing your steps- and that makes you bolder to move in the right time.

As you make more and more decisions, you should look out and see the blessings of the opportunities that lie before you- and that makes you more trusting in the goodness of your Father.

So maybe you are facing a decision now- maybe several.  Maybe your life is in a crezzy season (like mine has been) where the last several years have been seemingly monumental decisions just raining on top of you one after another- and they keep getting larger (mental image- Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs).

Seek guidance, pray, talk to people you trust, read the scriptures.

At the end of the day, your choice will matter- but the most significant part of the journey is not whether you go right or left.  It is Where you put your faith and Who you are becoming- a person that is wiser, humbler, bolder, and more like His Son- better equipped to make wise decisions.

So relax, love God, do what you want to do, and move when the time is right.

More from Decisions & Transitions

Perspectives in the Transitions of Life

Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 1)

Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 2)

If our choices and our fates are completely up to us- that is terribly frightening to tease out in your mind. Why? Well, think about it. Think back to when you were 17 or 18- what was it you most wanted then? In hindsight, if you had gotten your way and your choices won out- would that have been good for you or not? I can answer a resounding no, those things would have been no good for me, or the people around me.

If you want to flesh this out with some twang, “Some of God’s greatest gifts- are unannnswered prayers” (I used to want to be that guy when I was a kid. Thankful that prayer wasn’t answered (for your sake and mine) #truestory)

But I digress…

What one of you, knowing how little you know and how foolish your desires were for things you wanted to choose even just a few years ago would want to live in a universe that is totally fixed by the choices you make? That is scary.

Not only that, if the universe is ordered completely by choices of humans- then how do you make sense of when things go wrong? It can only lead you to exact your wrath and anger on those people and objects who have wrecked the plans you had for your life. Or, you can go the other way, and begin to slowly detach- living a life where you find yourself feeling pain (or joy) less & less, you notice yourself passing on opportunities to be vulnerable and intimate more & more, you gradually let go of the essence of being human out of fear of loss or regret for the choices you have made in the past. Ever so slightly you give way to a growing reality you create in your mind that either no one is concerned about the pain, dissappointments, and regrets you have- or that they were meaningless- as you numb yourself with food, isolation, fitness goals, career- you overwork and fill your life with busyness to quiet the inner murmur of your soul that all is not well.

But the Bible is clear, your plans are yours- no one else’s. You are free to choose them, and you are responsible for them, and there are consequences- good and bad, and you will be held accountable.

On the flip side, if your choices are irrelevant, if there is no connection between your destiny and your decisions- like Oedipus’s oracle that he would kill his father and marry his mother and nothing he did could change his fate, then why bother? Apathy, indifference, recklessness- who cares? What happens will happen and you can’t do anything about it.

But the Bible is clear, all things are under the fixed hand of God’s plan.

So the Bible says both.

How does that help you today?

When you are faced with a decision- be wise, seek counsel, plan well, walk humbly, move boldly, and act- make a decision based on the information you have.

But at the same time you can relax, be cool- God is in control. You are in the river of His grace and plan, and your plans and His plans are being woven together, 100% of each, into a beautiful mosaic of a story of redemption. If you make a wise choice- rejoice in it. If you make an unwise choice- He will use that for great purposes.

Acts 27 is a great picture of this.

Paul is given a prophecy from the Lord- that no one on the ship will die in the storm.

Then the sailors want to jump ship, and Paul tells them if they do, they will die.

But if there is the chance they could die then how could God say no one would die?

And if they all were going to live then why didn’t Paul let the sailors do whatever they wanted?

Paul understood that God had given revelation of His plan, but the choices still mattered. That is the only way to be calm in the storm- trust in God’s plan, and act responsibly and wisely based on the best information you have.

Pray, humbly seek counsel, trust Jesus, and make a decision. Then believe God that His plan will work all things well for good.

Source: I am greatly indebted to Tim Keller’s sermon entitled “Your Plans, God’s Plans” that you can find here

Previous Post: Your Plans, God’s Plans Part 1

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Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 1)

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Perspectives in the Transitions of Life

Do your choices even matter?  Does God control the choices you make?

Do you have free will? OR is everything completely fixed that will happen to you in your life?

And what does that even mean in regards to how you go about your life?

I’ve made the mistake of entering into those conversations too many times.  Not foul because of the topic- but because of the spirit I came from in my middle college days.  I mean, come on, I was a linebacker- I want to blitz, and if you are on the opposing side, I want to tackle you.  At least I went through a couple years like that.  Thankfully, I got benched before I busted up too many guys on my own team.

I have friends on both sides- those that say humans have complete free will, others that say God controls everything- including the individual choices of humans.  Most of the people I interact with just don’t think about such things- I was that way the first 21 years of my life.  Since then, I have thought quite a bit, and I believe the Christian Scriptures gives a unique answer, a comforting answer, and a completely practical answer.  And I would argue that everyone should think about such things- not just theology geeks, but even Joe the Plumber (whatever happened to that guy anyways?)

Consider these couple of verses:

The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance,

but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.

–Proverbs 21:5

The lot is cast into the lap,

but its every decision is from the Lord.

-Proverbs 16:33

The first would seem to say that our choices do matter- they are free for you to make.  You have plans, be diligent in them and things will go well.  Make poor choices and there will be consequences.

The second verse plainly states that all things, even the smallest things, are under the sovereign hand of God- every coin toss is determined by Him would be a modern way to put it.

So what is it?

Is man free and your choices determine your destiny?

Or Is God in control and your fate set?

Could it be 50/50?

The Bible would say both- you are 100% free and your choices have meaning and consequence, and God is 100% in control and determines everything.

Now, human minds can’t grip that.  It is a great mystery that we simply need to stop where scripture does and take off our shoes, and bow on our knees to the Infinite.

But, what does that mean for you and your everyday life? (continued in part 2)

More from Decisions & Transitions

Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 2)

How do you know if a choice is the “Will of God” in Specific Circumstances?

Perspectives in the Transitions of Life

I graduated from college.

I have applied for or at least began the application process for 5 different graduate programs.

I tried out for the NFL (I didn’t make it).

I thought about trying out again (just 2 months ago).

I went through two periods where my life centered around my training and workouts.

I took a 20 month break straight where the only working out I did was stretch and do yoga (occasionally)(okay, like 5 times).

I have attended 7 different churches (each with the intent of exploring membership).

I have had weeks where I felt like Elijah (he’s the guy that was real tight with God), and other months my life would reflect with some of David’s bitter prayers in the Psalms (he’s the guy that was real honest with God).

I have made money or been employed by 13 companies, had 9 different primary incomes in 6 totally unrelated career tracks (and it looks like March may add a 10th primary income, and April an 11th). The stable income has been the work I do in nutrition.

I have started 3 businesses from scratch, in this economy (each of which did okay), and am considering launching my fourth.

I have had months where I made multiple times what I needed, and I have had months that I was in the red.

(if I were a ladyblogger, here is where I would insert my relationship and weight fluctuations, but I’m not, so I won’t)

I have had multiple decisions that I have made. Some of them I had a peace and felt good about- others I didn’t. Some of them turned out okay, some of them definitely did not. It seems I have not had a single month where I wasn’t faced with some sort of decision- and the ups and downs of which have been about as interesting as riding a roller coaster designed by a bi-polar magician. I wake up set on one thing is the best direction, and by that night or the following morning am thinking the exact opposite (I can’t help but wonder if it was just some funky tuna salad for lunch some of those times). I would say some 10% of my days in the last 3 years would fit that category, and some 75% of my days I have been actively weighing some seemingly large decision that will affect the course of my life spiritually, relationally, geographically, or financially.

The rhythm of life that I experienced in my college bubble as a football player is about as recognizable as trying to see your face in a mud puddle while its raining.

One thing has brought me comfort- well, one Person. God.

I’m not where I want to be at this point in my life- but He is Guidance.

I’m no where near where I thought I would ever be at this point in my life- but He is Sovereign.

I’ve been to the frightening depths of my own soul- but He is Grace.

I’ve walked, no, crawled, no, more like been drug through the worst valleys imaginable- but He is Emanuel, God with us. (I say this in regards to how I have felt- not saying I am a passive victim of wrong)

I’ve experienced the Ecstasies of communion with the Divine- but not enough.

I have had most of my dreams shattered- but He is the Redeemer.

I have had new dreams given the breath of life- as He is the Author.

I’ve had times that I fought hard- and He sustained me.

I’ve had times that I gave up- and He kept hold of me.

I’ve done a few things well- and He loves me.

I’ve done a lot of things not so well- and He loves me.

I’ve had a couple things I jacked up so bad they are no longer recognizable- and He loves me.

All in all, there isn’t much I would change, or wish away.

God is real, and that is enough.

God is mine, and that makes all the difference.

I am God’s- and in that, I rest all.

Joyfully onto going through more transitions.

More from Decisions & Transitions

How do you know if a choice is the “Will of God” in Specific Circumstances?

Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 1)

Your Plans, God’s Plans (Part 2)